Hey, new officemate

Seriously, do you NOT realize how inappropriate it is to SING in a shared office?!?

No guilt

I feel no guilt when I see all the key marks your precious Hummer has endured to take up two city parking spaces.

Hah!

Nice waste of gas beating me to the red light and all

I am the Punisher

Entitled Bitch is her name, and hitting her face repeatedly into my fist is her game.

Upstairs neighbor AGAIN

Marissa is it? You fucking heinous cow. You have no idea how much I would pity you if it weren't outweighed by my visceral hate. You should go to great lengths to hide your pathetic life. I know you only leave to get more food in order to maintain your elephantic ass. No matter what time of day it is you're there. Your TV is blaring and those tree trunks you call legs are threating to bust through our ceiling. Really? You're just going to give up like that? Not even try to hide the fact that you're morbidly obese? Because I would be doing everything in my power not draw attention to it. Instead, each step you take is like a public address: I'M OH-BESE, I'M OH-BESE. That yelling you hear from downstairs? That's us warning each other you might crash through any second. You are a joke, a sad, retarded, TV guzzling sack of unloveable fat. You will never have a reason to leave because you have no life. Oh yeah, and we can hear you snore. God you are useless.

Dear financially successful ex-greek members,

No one likes you. No one likes the things you like. No one likes the places you like. Stop trying to fool yourself that you are saving the world or doing anything good, and please admit to the rest of us that you would be nothing if not for the color of the skin, the accomplishments of your parents, and the fact that modern society is set up for you and you alone to succeed.

love,
the rest of the world

To my upstairs neighbor

I'm pretty sure you need a special permit from the city if you are going to be raising a herd of baby elephants.